Another Day Another Dollar
Oct. 26th, 2004 08:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
perzephone
Quiet here. Rob's napping, I'm burning music, making $$$... that sort of thing. Stuffed envelopes all day. I'm so sick of those envelopes already & my ass hurts. Rob's talked himself into some kind of cold, mainly because he's working again & I won't feel sorry for him because he has to work, so he feels I need to feel sorry for him for something. Unfortunately, he doesn't realize that I have no sympathy for anyone, including myself. We get ourselves into things, we have to get ourselves out of things, & feeling sorry for people because they got themselves into something is about as useless an emotion as guilt.
This morning I got upbraided for leaving the gun under my bed. It's my gun, it's my bed. And last night, the Spirits were walking. All night I heard footsteps crunching in gravel, things scraping the outside walls, the gate softly clinking & chiming open & closed. Shadows flickered on my blinds. Voices echoed in the walkway outside. Even my candle-bellied coyote lamp couldn't keep my nerves at bay, so I turned to cold hard steel for solace. As it was, I kept waking up every couple of hours, sweating, heart pounding.
It's my own fault, tho - I cleaned my altar, mopped the floors. I gave Ariadne Her pomegranate, I gave Ellegua candy & rum... I had notions of burning sweetgrass & putting on the Nomad CD before I went to sleep, but thought to myself, "Um, yeah, sleep would be nice & the house is already restless." Nessie's been up & moving for a week now. The Veil is sundered, almost fully split to reveal the Abyss between this world & the next. I can feel the heartbeat of the World in the darkness.
I just wish I had the energy to stand up against the tides this year. Instead of cleansing & invigorating me, I feel like what little strength I have is being sapped away, into the Void. Everything I do takes so much will & effort. Sometimes just getting myself out of bed in the morning (or the evening) I feel like Atlas shifting the weight of the Earth on his shoulders. I feel defeated & listless, but at the same time stretched tighter than the Veil itself, ready at any moment to give way & unleash a flood of the Unknown & Unknowable... Power walks.
This morning I got upbraided for leaving the gun under my bed. It's my gun, it's my bed. And last night, the Spirits were walking. All night I heard footsteps crunching in gravel, things scraping the outside walls, the gate softly clinking & chiming open & closed. Shadows flickered on my blinds. Voices echoed in the walkway outside. Even my candle-bellied coyote lamp couldn't keep my nerves at bay, so I turned to cold hard steel for solace. As it was, I kept waking up every couple of hours, sweating, heart pounding.
It's my own fault, tho - I cleaned my altar, mopped the floors. I gave Ariadne Her pomegranate, I gave Ellegua candy & rum... I had notions of burning sweetgrass & putting on the Nomad CD before I went to sleep, but thought to myself, "Um, yeah, sleep would be nice & the house is already restless." Nessie's been up & moving for a week now. The Veil is sundered, almost fully split to reveal the Abyss between this world & the next. I can feel the heartbeat of the World in the darkness.
I just wish I had the energy to stand up against the tides this year. Instead of cleansing & invigorating me, I feel like what little strength I have is being sapped away, into the Void. Everything I do takes so much will & effort. Sometimes just getting myself out of bed in the morning (or the evening) I feel like Atlas shifting the weight of the Earth on his shoulders. I feel defeated & listless, but at the same time stretched tighter than the Veil itself, ready at any moment to give way & unleash a flood of the Unknown & Unknowable... Power walks.
