![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Or during, for that matter.
Honey, I have something to tell you.
You are a girl right?
Do you remember that operation I had a while ago?
You should get yourself checked out.
Wow, you remind me of my ex-girlfriend. Except she was better.
So, you have a thing for sea animals huh? - a continuation of this was "Because you kiss like a dead fish" and also 'I hope you like crabs'" EEEWWW
Honey, I think my parents are home.
You are eighteen right?
You're a guy? Oh, well that's alright I'm a woman.
I thought they smelled bad on the outside.
Do you smell tacos?
Are you baking something?
What do you mean you have radioactive sperm?
I was kidding about being sterile.
What hysterectomy?
You're on the pill, right?
I guess you weren't the *worst* I've ever had.
So, can I get your sister's number?
My beer goggles are wearing off. - I've heard this one before in real life
Want to wash the dishes before you go home?
So, you're leaving now, right?
The door is over there, don't let it hit you on your way out.
Whoops, I think you're bleeding. - I've said this one before
Sweetie, I lost the key. - and this one
I can't get you down.
Call 911.
Have you seen my whistle.
I think it's stuck. - and this one
What condom?
Where's the condom?
I better put my wedding ring back on now.
Hold on I have to take this phone call.
You're not my wife!
Is that a camera?
Do I hear footsteps?
Did I just hear someone say, "Honey, I'm home?"
Is that a baby crying?
Are you laughing at me?
What do you mean, "How much?"
Is the door locked?
Hurry, hide under the bed! - and this one
Honey, meet my secretary.
Hold on, I'll get the fire department.
I think I swallowed your piercing.
What do you mean you think that was the dog?
Honey, I'm over *here*.
Let's take that bag off your head now.
Well that didn't take long.
What do you mean, you're done?
You don't want to snuggle?
I had a headache, dammit?
What just happened?
Make me breakfast wench!
Now I know why he dumped you.
I'm only fourteen. - never say this when you're on a rock band's tour bus that's about to cross state lines. Not that I've ever had any experience with that kind of thing...
What do you mean you're related to Lorena Bobbit?
ZZZZzzzzzZZZZZZZ
Wow, a whole two minutes.
Why are you holding scissors?
Can you untie me now?
Wow, I just beat my high score in Super Mario Bros by 10,000 points!
Okay, see you at the family reunion.
Ha! I win.
Smile! You're on Candid Camera!
Don't worry, it's perfectly natural.
Consider masturbation.
You woke me up for that?
But everyone looks funny naked.
The size of your feet should be labled as false advertising.
Put away the coolwhip.
What's your name again? - I've said it & heard it. I'm just not good with names, and neither are some of the people I've been with.
Do i have to be here in the morning?
But everybody looks funny naked!
You woke me up for that?
Did I tell you my Great Aunt Martha died in this bed?
Did you just come in?
So much for the fulfillment of fantasies.
On second thought, we should have turned off the lights.
And to think, I was trying to pick up your friend.
It's nice being with a woman I don't have to inflate.
Do you know the definition of statutory rape?
I told you you had it on backwards!
Maybe you're just out of practice.
Were you by chance repressed as a child?
I really hate women who think sex means something.
A good plastic surgeon could fix that.
This would have been more fun with other people.
I didn't even have to buy you dinner!
Have you ever seen Fatal Attraction?
Do I have to call you tomorrow?
I want to break up.
I knew you were wearing a padded bra!
Can I borrow 20 bucks? - heard it more than once
I haven't had this much sex since I was being paid for it!
We'll try again later.
So that's why they call you The Flash?
Stop squirming, you're spilling my beer. - heard it and said it. Ah, I miss Eric so much!
You're not my blind date?
Have you ever considered liposuction?
You wear the same bra as my mom!
I hope you don't expect a raise for this...
That was great, let's get you back to the psych ward.
Do you *ever* buy mouth wash?
Of course I don't love you.
Honey, I have something to tell you.
You are a girl right?
Do you remember that operation I had a while ago?
You should get yourself checked out.
Wow, you remind me of my ex-girlfriend. Except she was better.
So, you have a thing for sea animals huh? - a continuation of this was "Because you kiss like a dead fish" and also 'I hope you like crabs'" EEEWWW
Honey, I think my parents are home.
You are eighteen right?
You're a guy? Oh, well that's alright I'm a woman.
I thought they smelled bad on the outside.
Do you smell tacos?
Are you baking something?
What do you mean you have radioactive sperm?
I was kidding about being sterile.
What hysterectomy?
You're on the pill, right?
I guess you weren't the *worst* I've ever had.
So, can I get your sister's number?
My beer goggles are wearing off. - I've heard this one before in real life
Want to wash the dishes before you go home?
So, you're leaving now, right?
The door is over there, don't let it hit you on your way out.
Whoops, I think you're bleeding. - I've said this one before
Sweetie, I lost the key. - and this one
I can't get you down.
Call 911.
Have you seen my whistle.
I think it's stuck. - and this one
What condom?
Where's the condom?
I better put my wedding ring back on now.
Hold on I have to take this phone call.
You're not my wife!
Is that a camera?
Do I hear footsteps?
Did I just hear someone say, "Honey, I'm home?"
Is that a baby crying?
Are you laughing at me?
What do you mean, "How much?"
Is the door locked?
Hurry, hide under the bed! - and this one
Honey, meet my secretary.
Hold on, I'll get the fire department.
I think I swallowed your piercing.
What do you mean you think that was the dog?
Honey, I'm over *here*.
Let's take that bag off your head now.
Well that didn't take long.
What do you mean, you're done?
You don't want to snuggle?
I had a headache, dammit?
What just happened?
Make me breakfast wench!
Now I know why he dumped you.
I'm only fourteen. - never say this when you're on a rock band's tour bus that's about to cross state lines. Not that I've ever had any experience with that kind of thing...
What do you mean you're related to Lorena Bobbit?
ZZZZzzzzzZZZZZZZ
Wow, a whole two minutes.
Why are you holding scissors?
Can you untie me now?
Wow, I just beat my high score in Super Mario Bros by 10,000 points!
Okay, see you at the family reunion.
Ha! I win.
Smile! You're on Candid Camera!
Don't worry, it's perfectly natural.
Consider masturbation.
You woke me up for that?
But everyone looks funny naked.
The size of your feet should be labled as false advertising.
Put away the coolwhip.
What's your name again? - I've said it & heard it. I'm just not good with names, and neither are some of the people I've been with.
Do i have to be here in the morning?
But everybody looks funny naked!
You woke me up for that?
Did I tell you my Great Aunt Martha died in this bed?
Did you just come in?
So much for the fulfillment of fantasies.
On second thought, we should have turned off the lights.
And to think, I was trying to pick up your friend.
It's nice being with a woman I don't have to inflate.
Do you know the definition of statutory rape?
I told you you had it on backwards!
Maybe you're just out of practice.
Were you by chance repressed as a child?
I really hate women who think sex means something.
A good plastic surgeon could fix that.
This would have been more fun with other people.
I didn't even have to buy you dinner!
Have you ever seen Fatal Attraction?
Do I have to call you tomorrow?
I want to break up.
I knew you were wearing a padded bra!
Can I borrow 20 bucks? - heard it more than once
I haven't had this much sex since I was being paid for it!
We'll try again later.
So that's why they call you The Flash?
Stop squirming, you're spilling my beer. - heard it and said it. Ah, I miss Eric so much!
You're not my blind date?
Have you ever considered liposuction?
You wear the same bra as my mom!
I hope you don't expect a raise for this...
That was great, let's get you back to the psych ward.
Do you *ever* buy mouth wash?
Of course I don't love you.
