An Aside to Pathworking
Nov. 9th, 2010 08:08 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
perzephone
I've still been working with The Fool, haven't forgotten about him. He's still sitting there on my bedroom dresser, a key to meditation and thought-processes.
Last night before I went to bed, I was trying to just send some calming waves to Rob. He's been getting the feeling that we're going to be robbed again, soon. Last night, some guy knocked on the door around 10pm, asking if we knew anyone who drove a Nissan Altima. We have neighbors on either side of us who have like, a billion cars, most of them parked overlapping our driveway - and most of our other neighbors are in the same multi-vehicular club, so the guy could have been looking for one of any of the about 20 people on our street. It upset Rob.
I was laying there, trying to center myself, breathing, but I couldn't get to it. All I could see behind my eyes were patterns of hatch-marks in bright crazy colors. I was trying to work up some protective energy to throw around Rob, but nope, nothing worked. I even tried using the net-like pattern as a net to cast over him, but it wasn't letting me throw it. Just wanted to stick there behind my closed eyes. Finally, I gave up, fuck it, it's not working, Rob's just gonna have to suffer & be all twitchy.
Then I saw the Fool, against the bright golden sky of some foreign clime, silhouetted on the precipice with his little white dog. He looked down, on the other side of the cliff, and began meandering down a rocky path to a distant city.
Obviously it's time for me to move on. I don't know if I've learned anything from the Fool this time around. I've gotten some new insights - the bindle and the courier's bag, for instance. There seems to be this huge gap between the Fool and the Magician. I mean, how exactly did the Fool get to be the Magician, how did he go from a greenhorn to a master? How long did it take, what kind of things did he encounter in between? I've always considered it to be the same guy, yanno? Maybe it's not - maybe the Magician is someone the Fool encounters, maybe the Fool is the Magician's apprentice at some point. Maybe it's who the Fool wants to grow up to be.
I've also had past problems with the Magician. I was a ceremonialist for a few years, and I resonated strongly to the power of ceremonial magic(k). Summoning and controlling spirits is a serious stroke to the ego. You truly get that feeling of being a God among men. Whenever I work with the energies behind the Magician, I turn into Crowleyanna.
Maybe I need a dose of that particularly strong medicine right now, because I am very out-of-control at work. The office that I called home for 5 1/2 years has been torn apart. They're moving PBX into it so they decided to sound-buffer the walls & replace the carpeting, and in the process they tore up all the desks & cubes, and it's been like this for almost a month now. We've been working out of the manager's office for the past two weeks, so I'm living in someone else's space, having to deal with all the clutter and chaos... and there's a shift-bid coming up in which I do get my 8-hour shift that I've been wanting, but it's not in the way I'd hoped it would be, which is typical for me.
I was talking to the graveyard supervisor about Who Moved My Cheese? and how it relates to the dismay caused by shift bids. Who Moved My Cheese? is one of those newspeak books that came out during a corporate empowerment movement, when everyone wanted to think outside boxes and change paradigms. From a managerial standpoint, it's a useful parable for dealing with employees who have a hard time handling changes. Go ahead, move their cheese - and tell them you're changing their paradigms to challenge them to think outside the box! From an employee's standpoint, it means that you just have to expect to be rendered absolutely powerless in the workplace from time to time, and you should just suck it up and deal with it. That's what office moves & shift bids are - managers fucking with your cheese, with very little warning.
I'm hoping that the Great Stomach Rebellion of 2010 is not related to the unexpected office move. I would like to think that I am somewhat more resilient than that.
Weather-wise, it's 50ºF outside, and 68º inside. I'm freezing my titties off!
Last night before I went to bed, I was trying to just send some calming waves to Rob. He's been getting the feeling that we're going to be robbed again, soon. Last night, some guy knocked on the door around 10pm, asking if we knew anyone who drove a Nissan Altima. We have neighbors on either side of us who have like, a billion cars, most of them parked overlapping our driveway - and most of our other neighbors are in the same multi-vehicular club, so the guy could have been looking for one of any of the about 20 people on our street. It upset Rob.
I was laying there, trying to center myself, breathing, but I couldn't get to it. All I could see behind my eyes were patterns of hatch-marks in bright crazy colors. I was trying to work up some protective energy to throw around Rob, but nope, nothing worked. I even tried using the net-like pattern as a net to cast over him, but it wasn't letting me throw it. Just wanted to stick there behind my closed eyes. Finally, I gave up, fuck it, it's not working, Rob's just gonna have to suffer & be all twitchy.
Then I saw the Fool, against the bright golden sky of some foreign clime, silhouetted on the precipice with his little white dog. He looked down, on the other side of the cliff, and began meandering down a rocky path to a distant city.
Obviously it's time for me to move on. I don't know if I've learned anything from the Fool this time around. I've gotten some new insights - the bindle and the courier's bag, for instance. There seems to be this huge gap between the Fool and the Magician. I mean, how exactly did the Fool get to be the Magician, how did he go from a greenhorn to a master? How long did it take, what kind of things did he encounter in between? I've always considered it to be the same guy, yanno? Maybe it's not - maybe the Magician is someone the Fool encounters, maybe the Fool is the Magician's apprentice at some point. Maybe it's who the Fool wants to grow up to be.
I've also had past problems with the Magician. I was a ceremonialist for a few years, and I resonated strongly to the power of ceremonial magic(k). Summoning and controlling spirits is a serious stroke to the ego. You truly get that feeling of being a God among men. Whenever I work with the energies behind the Magician, I turn into Crowleyanna.
Maybe I need a dose of that particularly strong medicine right now, because I am very out-of-control at work. The office that I called home for 5 1/2 years has been torn apart. They're moving PBX into it so they decided to sound-buffer the walls & replace the carpeting, and in the process they tore up all the desks & cubes, and it's been like this for almost a month now. We've been working out of the manager's office for the past two weeks, so I'm living in someone else's space, having to deal with all the clutter and chaos... and there's a shift-bid coming up in which I do get my 8-hour shift that I've been wanting, but it's not in the way I'd hoped it would be, which is typical for me.
I was talking to the graveyard supervisor about Who Moved My Cheese? and how it relates to the dismay caused by shift bids. Who Moved My Cheese? is one of those newspeak books that came out during a corporate empowerment movement, when everyone wanted to think outside boxes and change paradigms. From a managerial standpoint, it's a useful parable for dealing with employees who have a hard time handling changes. Go ahead, move their cheese - and tell them you're changing their paradigms to challenge them to think outside the box! From an employee's standpoint, it means that you just have to expect to be rendered absolutely powerless in the workplace from time to time, and you should just suck it up and deal with it. That's what office moves & shift bids are - managers fucking with your cheese, with very little warning.
I'm hoping that the Great Stomach Rebellion of 2010 is not related to the unexpected office move. I would like to think that I am somewhat more resilient than that.
Weather-wise, it's 50ºF outside, and 68º inside. I'm freezing my titties off!
