perzephone: (Tree of Life)
I don't want to move on to the Magician. I want to keep hanging out with the Fool. The Fool's tired of me following him around, but...

When I'm walking around with the Fool, I don't have to actually do anything. I can look at stuff, I can people-watch. I can take it all in, like a tourist. I don't have to participate. The Magician has to be involved, has to be emotionally invested in what he's doing. The Fool does not.

The Fool is a tramp, a bum. He can watch others do the work and sample the results but he doesn't have to care about anything. He can move on, from one experience to another. The Fool can be stuck in that lifestyle and it doesn't matter.

The Magician is less about thinking and absorbing, and more about doing.
perzephone: (Tree of Life)
I've still been working with The Fool, haven't forgotten about him. He's still sitting there on my bedroom dresser, a key to meditation and thought-processes.

Last night before I went to bed, I was trying to just send some calming waves to Rob. He's been getting the feeling that we're going to be robbed again, soon. Last night, some guy knocked on the door around 10pm, asking if we knew anyone who drove a Nissan Altima. We have neighbors on either side of us who have like, a billion cars, most of them parked overlapping our driveway - and most of our other neighbors are in the same multi-vehicular club, so the guy could have been looking for one of any of the about 20 people on our street. It upset Rob.

I was laying there, trying to center myself, breathing, but I couldn't get to it. All I could see behind my eyes were patterns of hatch-marks in bright crazy colors. I was trying to work up some protective energy to throw around Rob, but nope, nothing worked. I even tried using the net-like pattern as a net to cast over him, but it wasn't letting me throw it. Just wanted to stick there behind my closed eyes. Finally, I gave up, fuck it, it's not working, Rob's just gonna have to suffer & be all twitchy.

Then I saw the Fool, against the bright golden sky of some foreign clime, silhouetted on the precipice with his little white dog. He looked down, on the other side of the cliff, and began meandering down a rocky path to a distant city.

Obviously it's time for me to move on. I don't know if I've learned anything from the Fool this time around. I've gotten some new insights - the bindle and the courier's bag, for instance. There seems to be this huge gap between the Fool and the Magician. I mean, how exactly did the Fool get to be the Magician, how did he go from a greenhorn to a master? How long did it take, what kind of things did he encounter in between? I've always considered it to be the same guy, yanno? Maybe it's not - maybe the Magician is someone the Fool encounters, maybe the Fool is the Magician's apprentice at some point. Maybe it's who the Fool wants to grow up to be.

I've also had past problems with the Magician. I was a ceremonialist for a few years, and I resonated strongly to the power of ceremonial magic(k). Summoning and controlling spirits is a serious stroke to the ego. You truly get that feeling of being a God among men. Whenever I work with the energies behind the Magician, I turn into Crowleyanna.

Maybe I need a dose of that particularly strong medicine right now, because I am very out-of-control at work. The office that I called home for 5 1/2 years has been torn apart. They're moving PBX into it so they decided to sound-buffer the walls & replace the carpeting, and in the process they tore up all the desks & cubes, and it's been like this for almost a month now. We've been working out of the manager's office for the past two weeks, so I'm living in someone else's space, having to deal with all the clutter and chaos... and there's a shift-bid coming up in which I do get my 8-hour shift that I've been wanting, but it's not in the way I'd hoped it would be, which is typical for me.

I was talking to the graveyard supervisor about Who Moved My Cheese? and how it relates to the dismay caused by shift bids. Who Moved My Cheese? is one of those newspeak books that came out during a corporate empowerment movement, when everyone wanted to think outside boxes and change paradigms. From a managerial standpoint, it's a useful parable for dealing with employees who have a hard time handling changes. Go ahead, move their cheese - and tell them you're changing their paradigms to challenge them to think outside the box! From an employee's standpoint, it means that you just have to expect to be rendered absolutely powerless in the workplace from time to time, and you should just suck it up and deal with it. That's what office moves & shift bids are - managers fucking with your cheese, with very little warning.

I'm hoping that the Great Stomach Rebellion of 2010 is not related to the unexpected office move. I would like to think that I am somewhat more resilient than that.

Weather-wise, it's 50ºF outside, and 68º inside. I'm freezing my titties off!
perzephone: (Tree of Life)
Rob's got a bachelor's degree in Criminal Justice - aside from working as a security guard for construction sites, he's never used it for anything, and it's never done him any good. I've got friends with degrees up the wazoo (along with student loan debts) and they all have 'jobs'. Not careers, but jobs. Not a one of them are using any of their education to do anything. It's pretty disappointing to spend all that time, money and energy on obtaining a piece of paper only to find out that it isn't good for anything beyond decorating an empty spot on the wall.

Everything kind of stopped for me after I quit my job at the County, and it stopped even more once I graduated. I went into school with a bindle full of preconceived notions of what my life would be after I got my degree. It's a practical degree, in computer information and technology. The information I gained during the five years I spent on it is useful to a certain extent. I know what a BSOD (Blue Screen of Death) actually is, I understand random errors... I can use Linux. I went into employment thinking I would receive tons of practical experience that would lead me into bigger and better things - like an internship with Google or something. I was a fool in the sense that I had no grasp of the reality I was about to encounter. I was star-gazing, not paying attention to the pitfalls in front of me. I also had some exaggerated ideas of my own skills and abilities. They had never been put to a real test. Just because I had more knowledge of computer operations than say, the mother-in-law or some of my coworkers at the casino did not mean I was ready for a job in a specialized IT department. I would have been better off going into a broad-spectrum IT department like the centralized County IT instead of at the District Attorney's office.

At any rate, I came out of the experience with a new outlook and some practical wisdom, and I won't be likely to make the same mistakes again. I'm The Fool on the other side of the card. I fell down, I got back up & brushed myself off. Somehow though I can't seem to get started again. I'm in that neutral zone between cards.

I did my best to notice
When the call came down the line
Up to the platform of surrender
I was brought but I was kind
And sometimes I get nervous
When I see an open door
Close your eyes
Clear your heart...
Cut the cord

Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking for the answer
Are we human?
Or are we dancer?

Pay my respects to grace and virtue
Send my condolences to good
Give my regards to soul and romance,
They always did the best they could
And so long to devotion
You taught me everything I know
Wave goodbye
Wish me well..
You've gotta let me go

Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking for the answer
Are we human?
Or are we dancer?

Will your system be alright
When you dream of home tonight?
There is no message we're receiving
Let me know is your heart still beating

Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking for the answer

You've gotta let me know

Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking for the answer
Are we human
Or are we dancer?

- Human by The Killers
perzephone: (Tree of Life)

0 - The Fool

Principle of Courage, Ecstasy and Peak Experiences

"If a person does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away."
- Henry David Thoreau


Chakra: Element: All and none. Air
Color: Pale yellow Planet: The Universe, Uranus - signifies originality and eccentricity.
Musical Tone: E Sphere: Kether
Path: 11 - from Kether to Chokmah Letter: Aleph - the Bull or Ox
Number: 0 Plants: Ginseng, Ash, Yggdrasil and other World Trees
Perfumes: Galbanum Stones: Geodes, Agate, Iron Pyrite (Fool's Gold)
Metals: Aluminum, Titanium Zodiac: The entire Zodiac; Aquarius, Uranus
Intelligence: The Fiery Intelligence Rune: Sigel - Rune of the Glittering Sun The life force, warmth, health, harmony
Animals: Eagle - Objectivity; Otter - Playfulness; Monkeys & Apes - resemblance to humanity Contemplation: The first manifestation of focused possibility. Zero as the nothingness necessary for creation.
Symbols:
  • Zero/Null - unlimited potential, the World Egg, the womb
  • Feather - Maat
  • Wreath - Victory of the Spirit
  • White Rose - Clarity, Purity
  • Wallet - where past experiences are stored
  • Divided Circle - Kether, the Tuat
  • Knotted Belt - the Zodiac
  • Sun - Child of the Divine
  • Dog - psychopomp, reminder of humanity, reality
  • Wand - phallic symbol
Deities:
  • Coyote
  • Loki
  • Hermaphrodite
  • Anansi
  • Eleggua as the Holy Child of Atocha
  • Maat
  • Attis
  • Dionysus and the Maenads
  • Bacchus
  • Christ
  • Buddha
  • Other tricksters and dying Gods
Key Words:
  Absence; adventure; apathy; beginnings; carefreeness; carelessness; craziness; creation; crossroads; delirium; distribution; divinity; ecstasy; energy; expression; extravagance; folly; foolishness; frenzy; health; ideals; ignorance; imbalance; impracticality; indirection; indiscretion; inexperience; innocence; intoxication; intuition; invention; irresponsibility; joy; mania; misfit; naivety; negligence; optimism; originality; prophecy; protection; purity; risk; spirituality; spontaneity; stagnation; stimulation; surprise; swiftness; thought; strength; thoughtlessness; unconventionality; uninhibitedness; unrealism; unworldliness; vanity; visions; vitality; youth
Upright:
  The unexpected, a surprise. Divine influence. Sexuality expressed without guilt, dishonesty, or connivance. All things are possible to the person ready to go in any direction. New beginnings. Start of a new cycle of activity. Creative dreamer. Hidden talents. A decision. Leap before you look. Lessons of Attis, Dionysus & Bacchus. Today is the first day of the rest of your life - go anywhere, do anything, be anyone. Possible death. Constant reminders of the material world & bliss in not being a part of it. Someone who is naturally telepathic. Avoid sticking to definite plans & just let things happen. Be idealistic & open yourself to adventure & new avenues. Allow relationships to develop spontaneously. Be free-spirited. Optimism unaffected by past events. Purity of purpose. Impulsive thoughts & actions. Unconventional way of looking at things. Unexpected or unplanned event may be about to happen. Leaping to a new phase in life. Being open to experience. Acting on impulse. Childlike enthusiasm. Being foot-loose & fancy-free. Choices made seem foolish to others. Letting go & trusting in the Universe. Living in the here & now. Travel & vagabondage. Need for caution, but remain confident. A new chapter opening in one's life. Start of a phase, leap of faith, openness to life. The beginnings of a new cycle or enterprise. A matter that is unexpected or unplanned. Moving in a different direction, heading toward an unknown future. Use hidden talents. Creative currents bursting forth. Possible disruption of physical matters. New cycle.
Contrary:
  Misplacement & misunderstandings. Problems arising from recklessness or ill-considered decisions. Immature or irrational actions. Poor application of energy. Review choices. Don't cry over spilt milk. Listen to yourself. Overcome fears. Reaching the end of a cycle- time for a new goal. Scattered energy. Failure to follow instincts. Not taking a chance at a critical moment because of fear. Dependence on the opinions & plans of others. Awareness that great chances must be taken when timely. Foolish decisions & unwise actions. Pleasure-seeker. Sexual focus. Lack of confidence. Need to take more responsibility & balance pleasures, sexuality & other desires. Unkind friends.
perzephone: (Tree of Life)
I'm casually approaching some serious pathworking via the Tarot again. Starting from the beginning, of course.

I've had The Fool propped up by my bed for the past few days, seeing if it would influence my dreams any, which is hasn't, or if it has I don't remember the dreams. Maybe it's working at some deep, hidden, long-buried portion of my subconscious... (yeah, right).

It dawned on me today that most of the time, when I work with The Fool, all my focus is usually on the Fool himself. Not the environment, not his or her belongings, not the dog at his or her feet. Not all versions of Tarot include a dog with the Fool. In the New Orleans Voodoo deck, it's Damballah and Ayida Wedo's egg, the World Egg. In the Thoth deck, a tiger is gnawing on the Fool's leg. The dog is just an every-day agent of fate. The Fool is going to fall off the cliff one way or the other. He or she may realize at the last minute that their dance is perilously close to a precipice, but the dog will insure that the fall takes place.

Chelsie & her clowning fits right in with the Fool's dog. No matter what you're doing, at some point Chelsie is going to reach out her paw, snag your ankle and trip you. You might be playing with her (apparently, you don't play with a Catahoula, a Catahoula plays with you... as in, you're the toy), or you might be carrying scalding hot coffee into the living room. That paw is going to get you. You can move obstacles (like the unused Gazelle that she's used to pin me into precarious positions) out of the way, to clear your line of sight and make the inevitable fall less painful, but you're still going to fall. Rob says that, on the occasions that the dog has tripped me and I've fallen over, I roll like some kind of big beetle on its back. I try to position myself to land on the most padded areas of my body - my ass & hips. I try not to put my hands out to brace myself, because that only leads to broken wrists and sprained hands. I don't try to fight the fall, either. Gravity is going to do its work. Fighting it only leads to injury, beyond just a bruised pride. I just fucking fall down and try to roll with it.

In many Tarot guides I've read, the symbolism of the Fool is tied to the Biblical Fall from Eden. The Fool is the naive state of grace that Adam and Eve were in before the Serpent and the Tree came into the picture. The dog, of course, is the material world, the Serpent in woolier guise. Instead of being openly tempting though, leading the Fool to his or her demise with bright shiny fruit, the dog is trotting behind, waiting to take the Fool unawares. In Gnostic practices, we had to fall. It was Sophia's mistake in instigating the Fall, but we had to do it. We need the experiences that the material world gives us in order to evolve and progress. In Gnosticism, though, there is a rejection of the material world. It is base, the dross that comes of the alchemical processes. To the Gnostics, it's the struggle to be 'in the World, but not of it' that leads to salvation.

When I look at Chelsie, that dog is in the world and of it. There is nothing wrong with a little dirt, and in fact, it's quite tasty. Her own butt is tasty. We're tasty (just not right after she's been licking her own butt). The dog experiences life by living and licking and sniffing it. She explores everything with wide-eyed curiosity. She looks at things like it's the first time she's ever seen anything like it. Wow! A book! Wow! A pigeon! (Woof! Woofwoofwoof!) Wow! A pair of shoes! Wow! A roach (om nom nom)! Wow! A weed (om nom nom hork hork hork)! The dog trips the Fool to bring the Fool down to the dog's own level; not standing 5 1/2 feet or so above the ground, disconnected from experiences and emotions, but down to about 2 1/2 feet, at nose level with smelly things like crotches and t.v. trays loaded with dinner. If Chelsie falls down (which she does), she doesn't have far to go. It doesn't hurt as much. She knows the earth is her friend and companion, and gravity isn't quite as much of a harsh mistress at that level. She can rise above it all, to catch a ball or Frisbee, or launch herself at the pigeons and doves winging away overhead.

Another thing I've noticed about the Fool in the Rider-Waite tarot is that ledge he's standing on. From the perspective of the card, there are mountains in the far-off distance. It gives the impression that the Fool is truly flirting with disaster. He seems to be quite high up, and if he falls it will be forever. For all we know, though, that ledge could be a step or two. He might be falling two feet down. Maybe that ledge is the undercut bank of some wide river - the river of time, ready to wash him downstream and into the future.

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Rainbow Serpent Woman

August 2014

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